“Not now, Raphael! This is important!”
“Oh, I am so sorry!” Raphael replied, sarcasm dropping from his lips. “I thought I was important ta ya, too!”
“Don’t be such a drama queen, Raph,” Donatello said, rolling his eyes. “Just because I do not jump every time you need something, it does not mean you are not important.”
“Yeah, sure!” Raphael growled and left.
Renet followed him. With a scowl on his face, he went down the stairs, heading for the dojo. When he took the last step, Renet looked at him apologetically even though her magic hid her from his sight.
“I am so sorry, Raph,” she muttered. “But it is totally for a greater goal!”
Quickly, she put her scepter between his lower legs.
“Whoa!” Desperately Raphael tried to hold his balance but failed miserably. With a surprised shout, he landed on the floor with a thud - hard. He tried to get on his feet but ended up falling back accompanied by a rather undignified cry of pain.
Noises of metal objects, dropped to the floor carelessly, rang from the laboratory and lightning fast Donatello came running down the stairs.
“Raph!” he called out. “What the shell happened?”
“Ifelldownthestairs,” Raphael muttered.
“Pardon me?”
Raphael remained silent for a moment, not wanting to repeat the shameful truth. But Donatello’s warm and sincere look of concern broke the resolve.
“I fell down the stairs.” During that admission he did not look at Donatello. He felt embarrassed and was still mad at his brother.
“Were you hurt?”
“Can’t put weight on ma left foot. Just gimme a minute. I will manage to get ta ma room and just lay down.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Donatello scolded him. “Let’s get you to the infirmary. I will take care of the injury.”
“’m fine!” Raphael pushed Donatello’s helping hand away and turned to go to his room. He tried to avoid putting too much weight on his left foot without looking like he was limping. This did not work well and he lost his balance on the second step of the stairs. Closing his eyes and bracing himself for another ungraceful landing and more pain, he fell. The thud did not come this time. He was caught by Donatello.
“I am always amazed by your definition of ‘fine’, Raphael,” Donatello chuckled breathlessly. He was strong but struggled with his muscular brother’s weight. With combined effort, they managed to get Raphael back up on his one good foot. The following staring contest was finally won by Donatello.
“A’right, Brainiac,” Raphael grumbled. “I might need some help.”
“A shocking revelation.”
“Don’t get cocky, Donnie-boy…”
“I would not dream of it.”
The first minutes in the infirmary the brothers stayed silent. Raphael lay on the cot while Donatello took care of the injury. After he had examined the foot he spoke while bandaging the ankle.
“Nothing is broken or sprained, just a little overstretched. You should be fine soon and suffer no lasting damage.”
“Good.”
“Yes.”
“Yeah…”
“Sooo…”
“So what, genius?”
“How?”
“Don’t know whatcha mean…”
“Really? You leap from roof to roof like a squirrel jumps through trees, you once gracefully dodged a bullet and can balance on a cable. How can someone like you hurt himself walking down the stairs?”
Raphael wanted to be mad, but there was no mockery or teasing in his brother’s tone or in his face. Just plain and honest curiosity.
“Guess I was mad and didn’t pay attention.” Again he looked anywhere but into Donatello’s eyes.
“Mad at me?” Donatello asked and when Raphael nodded, he sighed. “Look, as I said, just because I was not available this time…”
“This time?” Raphael interrupted him, his green eyes filled with a mixture of rage and hurt. “I came ta ya every day this week, Wednesday, I was there even twice. Every fucking time I heard ‘Not now, Raphael’!”
He tried to imitate Donatello’s voice for the last words, but it failed to be offensive.
Donatello’s face fell. In his mind he replayed the events of the past seven days. Frowning, he saw that Raphael was right. Raphael had come in everyday just to be turned down. No wonder he had become so insistent today. It had been the eighth time he wanted to talk to Donatello.
The pang of guilt hit Donatello hard.
“Oh, Raphie!” he said ruefully, sitting down on the cot next to his brother. “You are right. I was a horrible brother.”
“Damn right, ya were!” Raphael crossed his arms and stared stubbornly at his bandaged foot.
“Yes, I was so caught up in my work that I lost sight of more important things. Give me the chance to make amends?” Donatello said, dark brown eyes pleading.
Everybody else probably would have gotten the cold shoulder for a while now, but nobody could stay mad at Donatello for too long, not even Raphael.
“Guess so,” he grumbled.
“What did you need?”
“Remember when I asked ya what ya think ‘bout our family? Our real, biological family?”
When Donatello nodded, Raphael said, “I wanted ta talk ‘bout it again…”
“I am sorry, but I answered you as good as I could the first time. I…”
“Ya gave me a goddamn lecture on trachus… trachem…, well, red-eared sliders for fuck’s sake…,” Raphael snarled.
“Because they are our animal heritage. The rest is Utrom science and unless you want to see them as our family, that’s all we have. Any involved individuals on their side are proably forever out of reach,” Donatello tried to reason with his brother. “I do not have any more answers.”
“I did not want answers! I wanted ta talk!”
Since Raphael all but shouted at him, Donatello looked at him with wide eyes and was at loss of words. He studied his brother carefully. Still unsure what Raphael wanted or needed, Donatello desperately tried to read it in his eyes that were void of any anger now, just filled with pain.
Donatello’s flawless memory allowed him to recall the conversation Raphael was referring to.
Ralphael had talked about their mother and how they did not know anything about her. By that time Donatello’s scientific mind had understood this as a need for information about the species they belonged to before they were mutated. He should have known that this was nothing Raphael would care about.
On the cot, Raphael sighed. He put on a façade of indifference and said, “Know what? Ya right! Fawget it! ‘Tis stupid. Ya were more help than the others. At least you told me about the trachimus thingy.”
“Trachemys scripta elegans,” Donatello smiled lightly.
“Yeah, that, too.”
They both chuckled.
After a while Raphael spoke again.
“Sorry ta bother you, Donnie. I know ya are busy and here is stupid me asking stupid questions.”
“You are not stupid and these aren’t stupid questions.”
“Maybe. But asking them is stupid because…like ya said: We will never know.”
Raphael tried to get up but Donatello gently pushed him down.
“That is why you wanted to talk, right? You did not come for answers, you wanted help to deal with the fact that there aren’t any.”
The conclusion was stated as a fact and Raphael’s eyes began to water. Then the words came bubbling out of him.
“I just didn’t know what ta do. I felt so dumb for having these thoughts. We have a home, a father, our training, our life. And I keep thinking ‘bout a female turtle who probably forgot about the egg I was in the second it had plopped outta her… But…but…”
“Raph, this is not dumb.” Donatello’s gentle hand on his shoulder stopped his rant. “We are sentient beings, it is normal to think about our heritage. Unfortunately, it is futile in our case.”
“But ya guys ain’t like me. Leo meditates every nuisance away, Mikey has his video game therapy and ya, well, ‘course ya are ta’ smart for having such stupid feelings get ya down. Must be great ta be above it all.”
Donatello was surprised to say the least.
“That is what you think about me?”
“That is why I came ta ya. Ya are always calm, collected and even if ya don’t have THE answer, most of tha time ya have AN answer. I thought talking ta ya might…”
“Might what?”
Raphael looked away, embarrassed, desperately trying to blink the tears away.
“Raph?” Donatello spoke softly, gently squeezing with the hand on his brother’s shoulder.
When Raphael finally turned his face to him and spoke his voice was but whispering.
“I thought talking ta ya might ease the pain!”
Donatello stared at him as if he had punched him. He opened his mouth but closed it again being at loss of words. Seeing his brother’s reaction, Raphael mumbled an apology, jumped to his feet, ignoring the pain, and wanted to bolt. Before he could though, Donatello pulled him close and held him tight. That broke the dam. The unshed tears Raphael had fought down began to flow and he cried. For many reasons. For mistakes he made out of anger, hurt he had caused, things he’d lost and things he never had. All through it Donatello held him. Even when the sobbing stopped he was still in his brother’s arms.
“I wish I had answers, Raphie,” Donatello whispered, close to crying himself. “But you asked about our real, our biological family. These are not the same. I cannot tell you much about the latter. But we do have a REAL family. You do belong! You are not alone. I do not know where our path began or where it will end, but you do not have to walk it on your own!”
Raphael disentangled himself from his brother’s strong hug to look at him. His eyes were reddened but his typical grin was back.
“Yeah, I knew it. Ya have that way with words, Donnie-boy!”
“I am so sorry, Raph! You put your trust in me and I sent you away. Please, next time just grab me and pull me out of my lab if you need someone.”
“Will do!”
“Unless I am handling explosives…”
“Ya ain’t no fun!”
“Raph!”
“A’right! I will ask ya first if kidnapping ya will cause explosions!”
“Thanks.” Donatello smiled and softly asked, “Do you feel better?”
“Yeah,” Raphael nodded but added, “Still feeling a little stupid, but I always do standing next ta ya.”
“Don’t!” Donatello demanded. “I do not want you to think poorly of yourself. You are resourceful, courageous, loyal and clever. Do not put yourself down. Doctor’s orders!”
“Okay, Doc!” Raphael saluted and allowed Donatello to help him stand. “No more feeling stupid.”
“Maybe you can feel a little stupid for falling down the stairs…”
“Ya think ya funny, huh?”
“I do have my moments.”
Donatello supported Raphael and they made their way out of the room. As they reached the door, Raphael stopped Donatello.
“Hey, genius! Don’t tell anyone I cried like a girl or I'll kick your nerdy ass.”
“Will you now?”
“No… I won’t. But please don’t tell anyone.”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Thanks.”
Renet smiled as she watched the two ninjas leaving the infirmary. One last gentle touch with her scepter on Raphael’s ankle to ensure a fast healing and the timestress left.
Next Chapter